The Problem With Advice and What to Do Differently

Problem with advice

I know you are just trying to be helpful Everyone has an opinion. Giving advice about how to live life feels good. For those few minutes, we become an expert at something. And we are reassured that in at least one area of our life, we have it under better control than someone else. Unfortunately that … Read more

Social Distancing Isn’t New to Sexual Abuse Victims

Sexual abuse VICTIMS

A closer look at our uncomfortableness with trauma stories. I recently wrote about the personal details of being sexually abused. I felt terrified as I prepared to publish the article. How would others react to reading the brutal violence I experienced? The power of social pressure to silence Most of my life, I’ve carried a deep sense … Read more

My Struggle to Find My Voice After Sexual Abuse

FRAGMENTED SELF TRAUMA

Trying to re-integrate my fragmented self into someone whole. Sticking up for myself is hard. I’m still trying to find my voice. I’ve heard many women complain that they have trouble asking for what they want or need too, but it’s particularly challenging for me. When triggered, I react by becoming oddly submissive, an old coping … Read more

Being Raped as a Preschooler and Finding Healing

Being Raped

It’s hard work, but I’m finding the inner strength to stand up for myself. Today I’m flying home in the midst of the coronavirus scare. I’m grateful for the medical mask that covers most of my face. It’s doing more than protecting me from the spreading epidemic; it’s hiding my tears. Being raped as a preschooler … Read more

How John Lennon Inspired Me to Look at My Trust Issues

Lennon Trust Issues

The problem wasn’t that I trusted too much, but rather that I trusted too fast As I looked across the cafe’s small table located downtown New York City, I saw the man I’d contacted on a dating app. As we started talking, I realized this guy was looking for support, rather than a romantic interest. Both … Read more

A Better Tool To Achieve Greater Dating Success

dating success

It’s relational self-awareness. I looked over at my third date and thought, “Something is going terribly wrong.” Why wasn’t I having greater dating success? But what? Here was an attractive, successful man — an intellectual, who was talkative, and had a variety of interests. He was widely read, and his musical tastes were broad. His children were … Read more