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I recently shared that I write under the pen name of Marie Lynne on Medium.com. There I explore the sensuality of sexual intimacy, provide education on better sex, and explore sticky areas surrounding sexuality, such as the money shot. It’s vulnerable, transparent, and raw. Definitely not everyone’s cup of tea.
Below is an article that is being published tomorrow in Sexography, a popular Medium publication that explores sex and sexuality. For religious believers, please pray that this article has God’s desired impact.
I don’t plan to share many of these articles here, but this topic felt too important. With the rising popularity of porn, there is a worsening murkiness surrounding sexual intimacy. I am most concerned about the growing misogynism.
The Money Shot, also called a Facial, is a sexual act that is often used to humiliate and degrade one’s sexual partner. But I fear many men are not asking themselves tough questions about their motives when engaging in the particulars of it. This article challenges the reader to take a closer look.
TRIGGER WARNING. Please don’t read further, unless you are older than 18 and prepared for the explicit details of a sex act.
Why do men find it cool to ejaculate in the face of their partner?
Okay, I’m going to admit something that probably many of you may have guessed. My sexual knowledge and experience are at an odd state of incongruence. I’m not very worldly in the practice of all things sexual, yet I’m not hesitant to research and ask questions.
As a psychologist, I’ve had the privilege to hear what goes on in people’s bedrooms. Clients have shared stories that run the gamut of terrifying to erotic. I’ve listened to swingers discuss the complicated ins and outs of their relationship, heavy porn users discuss the shame of watching live reels of young women being manipulated into compromising positions, and couples battling to stay together after an affair.
Nothing shocks me. Well, almost nothing.
In many ways, until recently, I’ve personally been a bit of a sexual prude. Having grown up in a conservatively religious home, I find sex complicated. Though I listened to many intriguing sex stories, for the most part, I haven’t pursued adding those experiences to my sexual repertoire. The consummate good girl, I’ve stayed on the safe path.
So imagine my eye-opening surprise when I made the nasty discovery that I’d married a sex addict who has had forty years of sexual acting out. Oh, this man loved all things involving sex. He liked to brag that he considered opening a chain of sex shops because he found the experience of walking into one similar to being a kid in a candy store.
It was an abrupt awakening. In one swift move, I was shoved out of my sexual comfort zone. The discovery of porn clips left on our joint YouTube browser history became the norm, and STI testing became a part of my healthcare. We had loads of discussions as we struggled to agree on a definition of sexual integrity.
That was when I learned about what’s called the Money Shot or a Facial, and it’s not the spa-kind.
How did this move become a porn standard?
Well, it’s not hard to imagine. I picture a porn set. It’s lit-up and hot. The actors have been at it for hours and are tired. The camera crew moves around them, trying to get the best angles.
But, the filming can’t wrap up; it’s missing a satisfying ending.
The director has a bright idea; why not have the man cum in the woman’s face? This would create stunning visual proof that he’s ejaculated. The perfect ending to the movie.
And, this money shot has an added benefit — aggressive overtones that blends unconscious themes of violence with degradation. A powerful combination.
Why do I consider this sexual act hostile? Think about it, when do we spit in someone’s face?
We typically only do this when we are disgusted or have no regard for the other person. At that moment, they are dead to us. We huck up a large wad to express our utter contempt for them and their humanity.
How is cumming on someone’s face different?
It doesn’t feel loving to be on my knees as someone sprays me with bodily fluids. And, I’m hard-pressed to think of a good reason why I’d want to have to wash someone’s semen from my hair and face.
I remember when my self-professed sex-addicted ex considered doing it. He’d discovered I had a talent for blowjobs and requested one often. I didn’t mind since I enjoyed the power of pleasing my partner. There’s something magical about watching the face of a man as I tease his cock with my mouth and tongue.
Our marriage was slipping; I could feel something was wrong. My ex’s interest in sex with me had waned.
One afternoon we found ourselves home early with nothing to do. He asked if he could have a blowjob. Thrilled that he was interested in sex, I agreed. Things progressed and soon I could taste a slight saltiness as I ran my tongue over his penis — a sign he was close.
Sometimes I swallowed, and sometimes I didn’t. That day I wasn’t sure which I preferred. As I tried to sort out my inclination, my ex suddenly pulled his penis out of my mouth and began to masturbate.
He loomed tall over me as he sat upright on his knees, his penis near my face. Startled, I looked up and saw the oddest expression of angry intent. And, in a flash, I realized he was about to spew his semen all over me.
I couldn’t believe it and was shocked, hurt, and angry. He must have seen the expression on my face and decided against giving me a money shot.
So, that brings me back to my original question: For those who have given your partner a facial, what goes through your head as you prepare to ejaculate?
Is it sweet nothings? “Oh honey, I love you so much. Here’s a gift for you?” Or, something hostile? “You bitch! I’ll show you. Here’s one for you!”
I’ll be honest — at that moment, my ex’s desire to cum on my face didn’t feel loving. He was angry and probably wanted to put me in my place. His semen became a symbol of his disregard.
Rebecca Reid, in “It’s time to talk about facials — the kind that involve semen,” writes,
Experts seem to share a consensus that part of the appeal of a facial is the humiliation. What they disagree about is whether that humiliation is a problem. Dr. Ruth Westheimer describes facials as humiliating in Sex for Dummies, and urges people not to consider them a normal part of intercourse.
In “How the Money Shot Became the Most Popular Move in Porn,” Mark Hay agrees that there’s a misogynistic component to this sexual act
…given the ways many filmmakers shoot facials — with men ordering their partners to get down on their knees and look at them, sometimes with clear degrading intent.
He then shares the results from a small research study of seventeen men. Over a dozen men said that they felt like facials were part of a sexual script, and clear acts of male dominance that they want to impose on their female partners — even if those women aren’t into facials.
So, what gives guys? Why the money shot? Your sexual encounters are not on a porn set. There’s no need to prove that you’ve ejaculated. So, why do it?
Are you wanting to humiliate your partner? Put the bitch in her place?
And if so, please explain how rage and hatred fit in with sexual intimacy?
It doesn’t in my book.
Kerry Kerr McAvoy, a psychologist, author and writer, is in cultivating healthy relationships, deconstructing narcissism, and understanding various other mental health-related issues.
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