Why I Didn't Know I'd Married a Narcissist
Would you think as a psychologist I’d know my new husband was a narcissist? It should have been obvious, right? After all the years of education, training, and counseling experience, you think I would have recognized the signs of narcissism.
But, I didn’t.
That’s because narcissists are able to hide in plain sight. They exude confidence and charm, even sensitivity, and we think we’ve met someone healthy–even amazing.
On our first date, my ex exclaimed he’d come to make my life easier. After raising three sons, managing a small part-time counseling practice, and then caring for dying husband, it was music to my ears. That’s how love-bombing works. Narcissists and other toxic people create a facade. They become who we need them to be so that we think we’ve met our perfect match.
And when we discover it isn’t true our world comes crashing down. At least it did for me.
When did you discover the truth? Were you shocked as I was?
Be on the lookout for my weekly newsletter where we delve into these kinds of topic. Let’s recovery together.
And as my thank you gift for signing up today. I’ve included a video on how to deal with argumentative people. It explains step-by-step how to use the gray rock and yellow rock technique. Let me know what you think and each Monday afternoon watch your inbox for my newsletter.
Big hugs!
Kerry
Kerry Kerr McAvoy, a psychologist, author and writer, is in cultivating healthy relationships, deconstructing narcissism, and understanding various other mental health-related issues.
6 thoughts on “Why I Didn’t Know I’d Married a Narcissist”
Kerry, my husband is a Licensed Social Worker and has been in the field for 40 years. I have been with him just as long. We have two beautiful intelligent adult children. One a social worker and the other in college. When we became empty nesters, he took a turn to ➗️ our relationship with our kids. Covid has brought me through some challenges with him and his misery about everything. He alienates my friends and their visits to our home that we bought when we were still single in 1990. We worked hard, I choose not to have my first baby until 7.5 years later after married. Our kids are 25 & 21 years old. My daughter already on her own home about an hour from us, and our son last year of University. It’s been a struggle. I’ve found strength in therapy and listening to you and Dr. Ramani. I want to thank you for all that you do every week with you live streams.
Thanks again,
Maria
Oh, thank you so much, Maria. It is a heartbreaking struggle for so many of us. I’m glad you’ve found help and that you know you are not alone. Be watching your mail for a special gift from me:).
Kerry
I bought your book
First Steps To Leaving a Narcissist
It listed a link for resources, but came up
“Page not found”
https://bit.ly/3BStcRx.
I will look into this issue. Thank you for making me aware of it.
Kerry
I love the sharing of personal experiences. . . and helping each other. Thanks to you and all that participate.
I am really enjoying the well thought out and explained content. I have been married for 30 years and sadly I am just realizing how much I have been blind to because of our military life style. I made excuses for many of the behaviors and we have spent such a significant amount of time apart that I don’ feel I have really known him. Now that I am in counseling and have been reading extensively the past 6 years, I think I am married to a covert narcissist. His mother has borderline personality disorder and the level of destruction that has caused in our family is immense. A lot has come to light because of his affair 5 years ago and his unwillingness to follow through on the promises he made to get me to stay. He can’t hear what I have to say no matter how hard I try. Thank you again for trying to help those around you and the gift of your time and knowledge.