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Why I Didn't Know I'd Married a Narcissist

Would you think as a psychologist I’d know my new husband was a narcissist? It should have been obvious, right? After all the years of education, training, and counseling experience, you think I would have recognized the signs of narcissism. 

But, I didn’t. 

That’s because narcissists are able to hide in plain sight. They exude confidence and charm, even sensitivity, and we think we’ve met someone healthy–even amazing.

On our first date, my ex exclaimed he’d come to make my life easier. After raising three sons, managing a small part-time counseling practice, and then caring for dying husband, it was music to my ears. That’s how love-bombing works. Narcissists and other toxic people create a facade. They become who we need them to be so that we think we’ve met our perfect match. 

And when we discover it isn’t true our world comes crashing down. At least it did for me. 

When did you discover the truth? Were you shocked as I was? 

Be on the lookout for my weekly newsletter where we delve into these kinds of topic. Let’s recovery together. 

And as my thank you gift for signing up today. I’ve included a video on how to deal with argumentative people. It explains step-by-step how to use the gray rock and yellow rock technique. Let me know what you think and each Monday afternoon watch your inbox for my newsletter.

Big hugs!


Kerry Kerr McAvoy, a psychologist, author and writer, is in cultivating healthy relationships, deconstructing narcissism, and understanding various other mental health-related issues. 



2 thoughts on “Why I Didn’t Know I’d Married a Narcissist”

  1. Kerry, my husband is a Licensed Social Worker and has been in the field for 40 years. I have been with him just as long. We have two beautiful intelligent adult children. One a social worker and the other in college. When we became empty nesters, he took a turn to ➗️ our relationship with our kids. Covid has brought me through some challenges with him and his misery about everything. He alienates my friends and their visits to our home that we bought when we were still single in 1990. We worked hard, I choose not to have my first baby until 7.5 years later after married. Our kids are 25 & 21 years old. My daughter already on her own home about an hour from us, and our son last year of University. It’s been a struggle. I’ve found strength in therapy and listening to you and Dr. Ramani. I want to thank you for all that you do every week with you live streams.
    Thanks again,


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