Walked away feeling like you were the problem? Take the free reflection quiz, Am I Really the Villain? → https://kerrymcavoyphd.com/villain
Have you ever walked away from a fight feeling like the villain in a story you didn’t write? Apologizing for things you didn’t do, carrying shame that didn’t start with you?
In this episode, Kerry and psychotherapist Lynn Strathdee take on projective identification — the hidden mechanism behind narcissist projection. They explore why narcissists need you to be the villain. How they create a caricature version of you and then dump contempt and shame onto that image.
WANT TO GO DEEPER? In the exclusive podcast extra, Kerry and Lynn get honest about the guilt and anxiety that hits when you stop playing the role. Learn why feeling guilty means you’re doing something different, not something wrong.
Get immediate access to this and 100+ premium interviews when you become a Substack paid subscriber today. Join here -> https://substack.com/@breakingfreenarcabuse
LYNN STRATHDEE is a UK-based psychodynamic psychotherapist specializing in echoism and narcissistic abuse recovery, and former educator helping adults reclaim identity after chronic antagonism. WEBSITE: https://echoismrecovery.com/
00:00 Why narcissists make you the villain
00:29 What is projective identification?
03:32 We never interact with the real person
06:37 Why a worn-down self absorbs their projections
10:17 Why some insults stick and others bounce off
13:06 Healthy projection vs. dumping it on you
15:30 When they blame you for their own distress
16:38 Love bombing is projection too
18:33 Do they know what they’re doing?
20:08 The husband who “forgot”
21:33 Why survivors miss deliberate cruelty
24:22 The jar lids story
26:05 The version of you they create
29:10 Lynn’s work with abuse survivors
32:38 Coming up in the Podcast Extra
#Narcissist #NarcissisticAbuse #ProjectiveIdentification #NarcissistProjection #Gaslighting #EmotionalAbuse #ToxicRelationships #DARVO #TraumaBonding #HealingAfterNarcissisticAbuse
Resources
- The Complete Recovery Collection: Narcissistic abuse resources
- First Steps to Leaving: Online self-paced digital course
- Toxic-Free Relationship Club: Live coaching & community support
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Kerry Kerr McAvoy, Ph.D., an author and educator, helps listeners decode toxic dynamics, recognize manipulation, and rebuild self-trust.
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This podcast/video is for educational purposes only. It does not constitute therapy, counseling, or professional mental health advice, nor does listening create a doctor-patient or therapist-client relationship. If you or someone you know is in immediate danger, please call 911 or contact the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline by calling or texting 988 (US/Canada).
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