You’ve tried explaining yourself. You’ve tried having the conversation. But what happens when nothing changes, no matter how carefully you say it?
When you’ve spent so long questioning yourself, it can be difficult to trust your own judgment about what’s happening.
If you’re struggling to make sense of your relationship, take my free Toxic or Troubled? survey to gain some clarity and explore your next steps.
https://kerrymcavoyphd.fillout.com/toxic-troubled-survey
Have you ever confronted a narcissist about something truly hurtful and watched it vanish in seconds? A flicker of discomfort, then a reset, as if it never happened?
In this episode, Kerry and psychotherapist Lynn Strathdee take on the question listeners ask most: can a narcissist change? They explore why owning the problem is the real dividing line, the debate over shame versus humiliation, and what happens inside a disordered personality the moment it’s challenged.
WANT TO GO DEEPER?
In the exclusive podcast extra, Kerry and Lynn get honest about the promise that keeps so many people stuck: “I’ll change for you.” Learn why desperate promises to change vanish the moment the relationship feels secure again.
Get immediate access to this and 100+ premium interviews when you become a Substack paid subscriber today. Join here -> https://substack.com/@breakingfreenarcabuse
LYNN STRATHDEE is a UK-based psychodynamic psychotherapist specializing in echoism and narcissistic abuse recovery, and former educator helping adults reclaim identity after chronic antagonism. WEBSITE: https://echoismrecovery.com/
00:00 What happens inside a narcissist when you confront them
00:39 Can a personality disorder ever change?
02:56 Born with the tools: the wagon story
04:29 Why they won’t own the problem
06:18 Do narcissists feel shame or humiliation?
07:43 Not enough of a “me” to change
10:30 Why real growth means sitting with discomfort
13:13 They reset right in front of you
16:56 Two years asking “can he change?”
18:59 How he faked change to keep me calm
22:22 Why victims get duped
24:41 Coming up in the Podcast Extra
#Narcissist #NarcissisticAbuse #CanNarcissistsChange #NarcissisticPersonalityDisorder #NarcissisticAbuseRecovery #CovertNarcissist #Gaslighting #EmotionalAbuse #ToxicRelationships #HealingAfterNarcissisticAbuse
Resources
- The Complete Recovery Collection: Narcissistic abuse resources
- First Steps to Leaving: Online self-paced digital course
- Toxic-Free Relationship Club: Live coaching & community support
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Kerry Kerr McAvoy, Ph.D., an author and educator, helps listeners decode toxic dynamics, recognize manipulation, and rebuild self-trust.
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This podcast/video is for educational purposes only. It does not constitute therapy, counseling, or professional mental health advice, nor does listening create a doctor-patient or therapist-client relationship. If you or someone you know is in immediate danger, please call 911 or contact the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline by calling or texting 988 (US/Canada).
