Reactive abuse isn’t a sign you’ve become the abusive one. It’s the predictable end of a setup: months of provocation, timed for the moment you finally break.
In this highlight from Kerry’s weekly live Q&A, she takes on the night so many survivors never tell anyone about. When you, as the survivor, lost it. She also explains why the better question isn’t “What’s wrong with me?” but “What was being done to me?”
In this episode, learn:
• The four questions that reveal who in the room was actually the dangerous one
• Why they bait you into reacting, then use it to tell everyone how unstable you are
• How exhaustion, deprivation and constant provocation wear down anyone’s self-control
• Gray rock vs. yellow rock, and why snark is still engagement
• “Is this an old feeling or a new feeling?” — the question that steadies you in the moment
00:00 The night you don’t tell anyone about
01:59 Screaming in the shower
04:02 What the teacher never saw
05:58 Question 1: Whose arousal went up?
09:57 Question 2: Did your distress slow them down or speed them up?
12:41 Question 3: Was there repair afterward?
14:29 Why you finally broke
19:10 Question 4: Who ended up apologizing?
20:14 Gray rock vs. yellow rock: stop feeding the provocation
24:06 Is this an old feeling or a new feeling?
#ReactiveAbuse #NarcissisticAbuse #NarcissisticAbuseRecovery #GrayRockMethod #YellowRock #SmearCampaign #EmotionalAbuse #AbusiveRelationship #TraumaRecovery #HealingJourney
Resources
- The Complete Recovery Collection: Narcissistic abuse resources
- First Steps to Leaving: Online self-paced digital course
- Toxic-Free Relationship Club: Live coaching & community support
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Kerry Kerr McAvoy, Ph.D., an author and educator, helps listeners decode toxic dynamics, recognize manipulation, and rebuild self-trust.
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This podcast/video is for educational purposes only. It does not constitute therapy, counseling, or professional mental health advice, nor does listening create a doctor-patient or therapist-client relationship. If you or someone you know is in immediate danger, please call 911 or contact the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline by calling or texting 988 (US/Canada).
