They didn’t hide who they were. They told you on the first date—it’s just that nobody ever gave you the dictionary to read it.
In this highlight from Kerry’s weekly live Q&A, she walks through the language manipulative people use from the very beginning, drawing on Jenny Young’s research into how dangerous people reveal themselves in their own words. She shares the first-date moment she now recognizes as the earliest warning sign, and a story she’s never told before about the night one sentence ended her relationship: “I can’t believe you’d think that of me.”
In this episode, learn:
1. Why rules and non-negotiables before they even know you signal signs of high level of control
2. How “treat me right and I’ll treat you like royalty” turns love into a ledger
3. The test-and-apologize tactic: pushing a boundary, then saying sorry to see how much you’ll put up with
4. Why a simple question gets met with sudden hurt, and what that timing tells you
5. Three questions that reveal whether there’s any room for you in the relationship
00:00 They aren’t hiding who they are, they’re managing it
02:12 Disciplinary directive: Jenny Young’s #1 red flag
04:59 Conditional decency: kindness you have to earn
06:50 Listen to their metaphors
08:28 Test and apologize
10:57 The absence of you
13:32 3 questions to ask in a new relationship
14:07 Sudden woundedness: “I can’t believe you’d think that of me”
16:14 Repair is where relationships deepen
18:01 Charm that arrives on cue
19:46 You thought you were both speaking English
#NarcissistRedFlags #NarcissisticAbuse #NarcissisticAbuseRecovery #RedFlagsInRelationships #DatingRedFlags #ManipulationTactics #DARVO #EmotionalAbuse #AbusiveRelationship #TraumaRecovery
Resources
- The Complete Recovery Collection: Narcissistic abuse resources
- First Steps to Leaving: Online self-paced digital course
- Toxic-Free Relationship Club: Live coaching & community support
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Kerry Kerr McAvoy, Ph.D., an author and educator, helps listeners decode toxic dynamics, recognize manipulation, and rebuild self-trust.
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This podcast/video is for educational purposes only. It does not constitute therapy, counseling, or professional mental health advice, nor does listening create a doctor-patient or therapist-client relationship. If you or someone you know is in immediate danger, please call 911 or contact the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline by calling or texting 988 (US/Canada).
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