A hard lesson in gender communication and new relationships Until recently, I’ve mistakenly ignored one critical piece of information when starting to date someone new — and I’ve done so at my peril. I have failed to take a man at his word. I’ve made this mistake with the best of intentions, in the hopes of preserving … Read more
4 signs you’ve met someone ready to date. As I hung up the phone with this latest guy I’ve been getting to know, it hit me just how critical emotional maturity is to successful dating. Samantha Burn, couples counselor, and dating coach said in an interview that, emotionally immature people have “a ‘me’ factor over a … Read more
An old friend contacted me with some questions about what’s like to be dating in my 50s, as some of her single girlfriends had started to do the same, and their decisions were surprising her — particularly when it came to sex. Since she was still married to her college sweetheart, this was unknown territory. “What’s going … Read more
It has forced me to build a friendship first. Tired of my current online dating life, I decided to try something different — to use a matchmaking service. I’d considered it several years earlier, but then I met my second husband, making it unnecessary. Finding outside help for my dating life It felt strange to hire an … Read more
The good news is that we are all doing this together. The other day I received a message from a friend that read: “I just needed to talk. To say these things to someone I know who gets it.” We hopped on a video call. Then, she began to cry. “Sorry, it’s all getting to … Read more
I know you are just trying to be helpful Everyone has an opinion. Giving advice about how to live life feels good. For those few minutes, we become an expert at something. And we are reassured that in at least one area of our life, we have it under better control than someone else. Unfortunately that … Read more
A closer look at our uncomfortableness with trauma stories. I recently wrote about the personal details of being sexually abused. I felt terrified as I prepared to publish the article. How would others react to reading the brutal violence I experienced? The power of social pressure to silence Most of my life, I’ve carried a deep sense … Read more
Trying to re-integrate my fragmented self into someone whole. Sticking up for myself is hard. I’m still trying to find my voice. I’ve heard many women complain that they have trouble asking for what they want or need too, but it’s particularly challenging for me. When triggered, I react by becoming oddly submissive, an old coping … Read more
The problem wasn’t that I trusted too much, but rather that I trusted too fast As I looked across the cafe’s small table located downtown New York City, I saw the man I’d contacted on a dating app. As we started talking, I realized this guy was looking for support, rather than a romantic interest. Both … Read more
It’s relational self-awareness. I looked over at my third date and thought, “Something is going terribly wrong.” Why wasn’t I having greater dating success? But what? Here was an attractive, successful man — an intellectual, who was talkative, and had a variety of interests. He was widely read, and his musical tastes were broad. His children were … Read more