I know you are just trying to be helpful Everyone has an opinion. Giving advice about how to live life feels good. For those few minutes, we become an expert at something. And we are reassured that in at least one area of our life, we have it under better control than someone else. Unfortunately that … Read more
A closer look at our uncomfortableness with trauma stories. I recently wrote about the personal details of being sexually abused. I felt terrified as I prepared to publish the article. How would others react to reading the brutal violence I experienced? The power of social pressure to silence Most of my life, I’ve carried a deep sense … Read more
Trying to re-integrate my fragmented self into someone whole. Sticking up for myself is hard. I’m still trying to find my voice. I’ve heard many women complain that they have trouble asking for what they want or need too, but it’s particularly challenging for me. When triggered, I react by becoming oddly submissive, an old coping … Read more
The problem wasn’t that I trusted too much, but rather that I trusted too fast As I looked across the cafe’s small table located downtown New York City, I saw the man I’d contacted on a dating app. As we started talking, I realized this guy was looking for support, rather than a romantic interest. Both … Read more
It’s relational self-awareness. I looked over at my third date and thought, “Something is going terribly wrong.” Why wasn’t I having greater dating success? But what? Here was an attractive, successful man — an intellectual, who was talkative, and had a variety of interests. He was widely read, and his musical tastes were broad. His children were … Read more
When ‘too much’ is actually just right. Being a woman today is tough. Most of us face tremendous pressure to conform to societal standards, both in our professional and personal lives– to avoid being a “too-much woman.” Convinced this type of cultural demand was partially to blame for my recent vulnerability to emotional manipulation, I’ve vowed … Read more
Apparently Freud got something right about the power of making the unconscious conscious I recently started dating again. This was the first time I’d dipped my toe back in the dating pool since getting a divorce. As I met a few men my age, I noticed a problem, though: instead of having feelings of attraction, … Read more
When Love is Unreciprocated As he walks out of my apartment, I vow I won’t respond to his next text. I’ll be stronger, I tell myself. I’ll ignore the deep yearning to say yes should he ask if I’m free. I’m tired of a one sided love. He’s too young for me, much too young — at … Read more
My Rediscovery of Me after a Lifetime of Being a We Embracing my newfound autonomy after divorce I awoke this morning with a big smile. Today is the day my new television arrives. I’ve splurged — kind of, but not really. It’s a 55″ OLED flat-screen TV. For most people, this purchase probably would have been a no-big-deal — a no-brainer. … Read more
The Risks of Hiding from Others Recovering from echoism, a developed adaptive response to narcissistic abuse Off to one side of the large room there’s an open seat. Threading through a group of women, I make my way to that spot. Doing this, however, is what I hate. For a moment, I’m sure every eye is … Read more